Auto Poetry (Need feedback)

"Cherry_man1" (Cherry_man1)
10/14/2014 at 21:29 • Filed to: Poetry, Gran Torino

OPPO I want to share a WIP poem I am writing for my class, its a poetry class. I will share the two about my Torino here we go:

Gran Torino

After Tim Craven

Smaller then you would think.

But larger then you normally drive.

You run your finger over it, tenderly, cautiously. You press tenderly

over the light raise in the fender.

You think about your own, the size, smaller, modern.

Would starting it shake your world, back fire and blow up or would it be everything you imagine?

When I stare at her (41, Bright Red, Ford)

She was covered in a small layer of dust under a small cover was I to be her new care taker?

You think you should be, yes you will be. Put her back on the road and make her shine.

In little then a year you make her look like she did when she came from the factory with a little elbow grease and you step back to think, the small sticker on the windshield, South Dakota Camping permit 1977, small tear in the driver seat, the original radio presets, the wooden #2 pencil found under the rear seat. The memories stored by the last owner who owned it for the last 41 years has of this car and his son. Truly this car has value.

When I bought her^

How she is now vvvv

DISCUSSION (11)

Leadbull > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:39

There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but the content is tear inducing.

/cri evry tiem

Cherry_man1 > Leadbull
10/14/2014 at 21:40

What line(s)?

jkm7680 > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:41

Tip: Don't take automotive poetry advice from me.

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/poem-y-pt-2-15…

Leadbull > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:44

3, 4, 10, 11, and the first sentence in the second poem/stanza/paragraph.

desertdog5051 > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:48

Very well done. After the 2nd read, I liked it even more. Touche, to you. What a car. It has what looks like Illinois plates. Glad you wanted it bad enough to devote the time to make her pretty.

Cherry_man1 > Leadbull
10/14/2014 at 21:49

Whats wrong with them exactly?

Cherry_man1 > desertdog5051
10/14/2014 at 21:50

Yup I'm from Illinois! STL Metro.

Leadbull > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:52

Mixing "then" and "than", plus semicolon usage.

The professor may not care so much about punctuation, but idk.

Cherry_man1 > Leadbull
10/14/2014 at 21:53

Ah alright I'll fix that in the revision.

desertdog5051 > Cherry_man1
10/14/2014 at 21:54

You did a nice job, congrats.

Cherry_man1 > desertdog5051
10/14/2014 at 21:55

Thanks! Its been a fun experience, just wish I had it here at college with me right now, but with winter fast approaching and what not I'm hiding at home.